Flint Windshield Wiper Video & Women's Self- Defense

One of our most popular courses around the country and locally at our school York PA is Women's Only Self-Defense.  The recent viral video about the experiences of one young lady in Flint Michigan sheds some light on the difference between what "self-defense" means to women vs men.

Our school in York PA is located inside Fitness 1440.  There are huge guys that lift there.  They must be content with their belief that they will never be the victim of an attack based on their size, appearance, and athleticism, and you know what, they are right.  Men are usually the attackers of other men and women.  Predators look for those who appear old, young, injured, weak, or mostly just distracted.  It is easier for a man to bluff another man into leaving him alone or submission during a confrontation.  Face it men are much less likely to be the victim of a sexual assault or to be abducted by another man.  It is women who are most often the victims of sexual assault and/or abduction.  Adult men are not worth much when it comes to human trafficking.  Once abducted and moved south across the boarder a woman is not very likely to be heard from again.

When men do turn up for classes they are usually much more familiar with violent physical (non-abusive) contact.  The reason is that boys from an early age wrestle and roughhouse, often to the point of bloody lips, noses, broken bones, and even being knocked out.  Then they grow up and become involved in contact sports like wrestling and football, again more violent contact.  From there they are likely to pursue a martial art.  By adulthood even the meekest of boys have been knocked around a little bit buy other males and therefor at least partially inoculated to the stresses of interpersonal combat.

More so than men, the ladies who show up at classes have a story to tell, it is a story of abusive violence that manifest in three primary ways.

1)  They were mentally, physically, verbally, and sexually abused as a child by a man they should have been able to trust.  This has left them with a fear towards men.

2)  They have been or are currently involved in a abusive relationship with a man, and it is usually not their first.  This very often stems from #1.

3)  They have been the victim of a violent criminal attack.

Just in the last two classes I can share with you these two stories-

"Pam" was violently attacked in York PA while she was 21.  She was beaten so bad that her family did not recognize her at the hospital.   She was his 9th victim and she testified against him.  However he was found not guilty on a technicality.  Now middle aged she is still attempting to come to terms with it and has decided to seek reality based training.

"Kristen"  with her young daughter in her car was attacked on a backstreet of a very small town here locally.  A man became angry after a traffic disagreement.  She was stopped at a red light behind another car, when he exited his truck, walked up to her open window, it was hot and she had no AC, and punched her once in the face before walking back to his vehicle and driving away, around her when the light changed.  She was almost knocked unconscious.  No one stopped to help her or even called the assault into police.

When it comes to self-defense women have different needs than men do.  Women prefer Awareness, and Avoidance over Aggression.  The aggression we teach them is not based on size, strength, or speed.  The reasoning being that for most, if they have it, it is only for a period of their life.  Not when they are very young, or older.  And on the way to being older disease and injury occur, and that has to be taken into consideration.  Also seldom taken into consideration is the differences between the way a man attacks another man and the way he will attack a women.  When men attack men they often do so with the intention of injuring them and/or taking something from them.  The goal with women is typically sexual assault.  They will break contact with the man to get away, but with the woman they are going to spend time at the location of the incident or move her to another place to spend more time with her there, at the second location they are usually murdered.

In both cases above the women were both attacked from behind and in disadvantaged positions.  Predators don't attack even what what they deem "easy pray" head on.  They want to use the least amount of effort necessary.  Go into your local Mcdojo, especially during your introductory class and ask them how to protect yourself if attacked behind the wheel of your car or attacked from behind by a large aggressive man.  If they tell you anything it will be about a physical response, not about being aware of and avoiding that situation.   Guys want the physical stuff, women who have already been victimized want to know how to avoid it happening again, and if that fails some simple techniques that will give them time to get away.

I don't know about you but I don't want my wife or daughters training to be cage fighters.  I want them to be able to mindfully process their intuition so that they learn to recognize their options in worst case scenarios instead of shutting down.  When they become aware of something that could potentially put them in danger I want them to make a habit removing themselves from the situation.  Of course if all else fail they need hard skills that I know will work against someone my size and intensity, not things like pepper spray and wrist locks.  There is a reason while it is called reality based training, but often I am left shaking my head as to whose reality is it, the instructors or the students.





At present  I have two options for ladies to learn more.

If you are not located around York PA, my Personal Protection for Women book on Kindle is an inexpensive way to begin or further your self-defense education.  If you are local to us.  Women's Self Defense is the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of every month from 7-8.  We are also happy to bring our training to you.  Feel free to contact by e-mail or call 717-693-2085.

   

Click to purchase on Amazon

How to- deal with angry customers

The following incident happened a few weeks ago. For some time I have been donating plasma at a facility in York PA, not far from MCS York.  It is in a nice area but the plasma center tends to attract some interesting folks to say the least.  I go there for four reasons-

• It's easy money if you don't mind needles
• It gives me a solid 60-90 minutes to catch up on e-mails and texts.
• It provides the plasma for life-saving drugs.
• I get to sit back and watch the behavior of people I otherwise would not see.

The last one is a treasure trove for someone who loves to study human interaction and behavior.

The place I go is super busy but the staff only makes about $11 an hour as a phlebotomist.  Once they are trained, they move onto area hospitals for more money.  This often leads to low and inexperienced staffing. Add to this that people get antsy standing in line, things often get interesting.  Now that I have explained the environment, let me tell you what happened.  

It was about 11 AM and I had just walked in and done the typical prescreening at a kiosk.  On my way out of the bathroom I could hear a woman yelling on the other side of the center where you stand in line until they have an open bed.  Right away I surmised that it was either about her place in line or things taking too long. All the staff at the front, as well as all the managers, had formed a crowd and were trying to deal with her. This was the worst possible response to an angry customer.   If the person has already escalated to the point of yelling and screaming, this attention only adds fuel to the fire.  

This is negotiating 101.  One person talks.  At this point, the customer will have a hard enough time listening to one person using one voice and tone much less several.  Not to mention a person who is yelling in public will likely not be quickly or easily calmed down.  This is is especially true if they have an audience of other customers/clients/visitors, and she did.

Regardless of what she was upset about, this is what should have happened-

• If safe, a manager/supervisor (or any staff that seems to have a repartee with them) should approach the person and in a calm voice ask them to step outside or into another office to talk about the issue.
• If they refuse, they should be asked to leave.  Call 911.  They are now trespassing.  Check your state and local laws about issuing a barred letter.
• If they agree to go somewhere and talk, take them to a place away from others but where another staff can see you.
• Ask them to tell you the whole story from the beginning.  This allows them to blow off steam and forces them to breathe.  The combination of being heard and getting more oxygen to the brain will aid in calming them down.  While they are talking, do not interrupt.  Typically the longer they talk the calmer they will get.  During this time, if you can get them to sit the results will occur even faster. Whether you are standing or sitting with them, make sure you are not face to face.  If at a desk, they should be seated at the side and not across the desk.  Standing next to them gives the perception that you are on their side against the world.
• Avoid telling them that they are wrong in any way.  They will not see it that way and will block out anything else you say.
• Ask them what they want or need.  If you can do it, do it.  If not, tell them so and let them know what you can offer.

To reiterate, if they refuse to walk to talk or you believe they pose a physical threat to others, 911 should be called.  Do not make a mistake of engaging in a back and forth with them.  It will only escalate things and get others involved.  

All staff should be trained to deal with these situations.  As soon as someone raises their voice, staff should intervene and attempt the above listed points to deescalate.  

Several months ago, I had given my card to one of the managers of the donation center and explained what I do.  Of course, they had no interest.

In this case, it turned out to be about the wait in line.  They spoke to her and she was calmed down a little bit, but through the entire donation process continued to be loud and belligerent as she attempted to recruit other donors for her cause.  What she and every other donor who saw what happened learned was that there is no standard of conduct in the donation center and bad behavior is accepted and tolerated.  Others in the waiting room or after that donation probably chose not to return.  We will never know.

This is all part of doing business and dealing with the public.  If you do not plan by having procedures in place, you are planning to fail.  That can mean anything from loss of customers to violence in your place of business.

"They were targeting moms because they don't like to make a scene"

Few stories I have ever read provide a better example of why we teach Awareness, Avoidance, and Aggression and in that order.  Many violent assaults begin with contact that is non-threatening and considered "normal".   Also provided here is a unique look at post incident psychological issues resulting in what those not involved brush off with a "get over it" mentality.  
Originally posted on the San Diego Reader

Rachel looks like a soccer mom.  On most days her minivan is cluttered with backpacks and sports gear.  Leftover Goldfish and Cheerios are ground into the floorboards.  When dropping her kids off at school in the morning, Rachel often sweeps her long blond hair into a messy bun at the nape of her neck.  Read more .....

Biting-effective in the worst situations

Ronald Poppo, the victim of the "Miami Cannibal"

Boys will be boys and when they roughhouse, with some exceptions, while wrestling around there are unspoken rules.  You don't punch me in the balls, or try to choke me, and I won't punch you in the balls, or choke you.  An attempt at doing either of these things will quickly escalate a fight or end it.  Beyond pre-school you seldom see any biting.  At the age of knowing right and wrong we are hard wired not to bite other people.

If you talk to people that put their hands on people for a living like cops, corrections officers, and bouncers, they can tell you tons of stories of people wrestling, kicking, and punching them, but few stories about being bit.  There will be some, and they will stand out because it does not happen that often.  From experience I can tell you that even when someone tries to bite you, you have a very primitive response that I can only liken to being attacked by bees.

Because it is so rare, biting provokes a extreme panic response, making it an excellent go to for

Typical bite to the forearm 

kids, women, elderly and disabled.  These people are prayed on because they are identified as weak by the predator.  They are creatures of habit, just like us and tend to pick the low hanging fruit, people that they expect little to no fright from.  Because they underestimate their victims, they will likely take less care in how much they expose themselves than they would to a regular person.

Regardless of age, size, or infirmity, peoples mouth usually still works.  But unless you cross the mental barrier in your mind against biting someone, you will not think of doing it even when your life depends on it.

Any bite is a good bite to attempt escape, but I would suggest the face, neck, hands and inner arms.  The face, neck and hands are likely to be exposed no matter what the weather is and will be easy targets during any attempted sexual assault.

To effectively bite you should bite into exposed flesh if possible, taking as big as a bite as possible and rip a chunk out as if you were biting into a steak.  Most attackers will probably be no stranger to being hit, or even shot and stabbed, there is a very low probability that they have ever suffered a human bite.  This will quickly become their focus and they will likely be overcome with shock.  Keep in mind that it is a last ditch effort to save your like, because if you fail, they are going to pretty angry.

Experience tells us that children often don't realize they are being abducted until it is over.  When women are abducted they are often frozen with fear.  In both cases this fear changes form and as the abduction moves to where the predator feels save to abuse and kill them.  The transport time to this location, and while at the location may provide some "thinking" time for the victim to realize they need to take action.

Again I will say, if there are certain people in your life that you think this information would be the most beneficial too, be sure to share it with them ahead of time, they will not think of it on their own.

While looking for pictures for this post I found many that I was not comfortable posting because I know that someone may be reading over your shoulder and the pictures are too graphic.  You can search on your own if you need further convincing that biting can be a great equalizer and save someones life.

Yes, I am aware that biting someone could expose you to disease.  That is why biting is only advised when your life is in danger.

What happened in Orlando & best practices for patrons and clubs

With everyone commenting on the tragedy in Orlando I wanted to chime in as well.  We are going to talk about the things that nobody else is covering.  While everyone is talking about the gunman and the police response we will cover the victims themselves and what the club could have done to prevent or limit the carnage.

When something like this happens and I make a comment about how frequenting certain places increases your exposure to danger, people’s reaction is that this is America and people should be able to where they want.  The truth is that they can as long as they are willing to accept the risk.

The top three ingredients for increased risk are people, alcohol, and confined spaces.  The biggest danger is typically fire resulting in a large number of people trying to get out the same door at the same time.  The panic can lead to bottlenecks that trap people in the smoke and fire, or in this case gunfire.

Whenever you enter a structure you need to immediately identify an exit other than the way you came in.  In an emergency people will intuitively rush to the door they came in.  While they are doing that you exit a back or side door.   This should be your response to any danger at all from smoke to gunshots.  The longer you stay in a confined space with other people, especially intoxicated people, the smaller the chance you will escape uninjured or escape at all.  This one simple habit will save more people than anything else you could do.  It should be noted that the tactic of the majority of active shooters is to rush in and shoot all the fish in the barrel.   You would be hard pressed to find an incident where the shooter followed people out of the structure or another shooter was outside.  The more room you have to move the safer you will be.

As previously mentioned this was probably not the habit of many of the club goers at Pulse.  It has to be done upon entry before your senses are dulled by alcohol, especially in places like clubs that can be full of smoke, lights, and noise.

The fact that in addition to the 50 killed 52 were wounded ,but have survived so far tells me that first aid was provided by other patrons, and not first responders.   One federal educational mandate that I could get behind would be that every student in every school start being trained in basic first aid in kindergarten.  Once they get to six grade they should all be certified in CPR and First Aid with a refresher every one or two years.  Think about how much better the outcomes would be for all types of injuries as well as lives saved.   I also have no doubt that lives could have been saved if people knew how to treat a gunshot wound, apply a tourniquet, or treat for shock.  When these incidents occur people die while waiting for first responders.

Now onto the responsibility of the bar.  The majority of our instructors are experienced doormen aka bouncers.  Besides staffing, one of the services we provide is site assessment of all types of business including bars and clubs.
Most places, especially ones that don’t have a history of any issues do not want to spend any money on security staff, especially when they find out that we never work alone and all of our details require a minimum of two people.

Bars and clubs are in the business to make money.  This is done with cover charges, and  the sale of alcohol and food.  A successful bar is busy and staff is concentrating on getting food and alcohol out to customers.  Not only is safety and security not their job they are not trained for it.  They would be about as successful as I would behind the bar.  We see the venue with a different lens.
Not unlike sheepdogs we watch over the customers and staff, looking for anything that does not feel right.  We couple experience with intuition which we act before a problem becomes crystal clear, or it has already happened.  There was a case in Dillsburg PA last year where a murder suicide occurred at a bar.  From all accounts it occurred with little warning and two people were dead in minutes.  Although security may not have been able to stop it.  In the aftermath they could have controlled the aftermath by providing first aid, helping people exit, securing the scene, and working with the police.

Nothing has been said in the news, as least not yet, about what security staff if any Pulse had.  What I can say is that they absolutely had a responsibility to have one.  There should have been staff on the doors not only to scan people coming in but also to lock the front doors to keep the gunman out.  A properly trained security staff could have rushed the shooter, helped people get out and provided first aid.  They would also have been able to provide the police with the tactical information they needed.

You are probably wondering why I have not listed the officer outside as security.  The reason is that he wasn’t.  The cop on the outside was like a fire extinguisher.  It does not give you the right to play with fire.   Estimates are that there were 300+ people in the club.  What can an officer on the outside do to control anything that occurs in the club?  Nothing until it gets so bad it spills into the street and at that point he will need to call more officers.

It is all about best practices and prevention.  If you cannot handle a fight you cannot handle an active shooter.  You cannot take a customer that you are fond of and pay him $10 an hour to sit on the door and check IDs.  You need trained professionals, we along with other companies around the country provide professionals.

At this point I will let other people talk about the police response.  People will harp on this because they don’t want to put any of the responsibility on the club itself.  It would be interesting to see the layout of the club, how they did on past fire inspections, and see what their security plan was of if they had one at all.  It is no different than expecting the police to control what goes on in your house.  It gets to the point where you cannot control it, and call the police only to complain that they could not fix your problem.

Here are some simple best practices in the case of an emergency in a club.  They cost nothing and could save lives-

• All house lights are turned on, lasers etc. are turned off.
• All music is turned off.
• DJ’s gives directions to exit the venue and other information
• All staff carries a whistle in case of emergency, three short blasts signal other staff of emergency and to carry out the security plan.

Again, our thoughts and prayers go out to all those effected and our hearts go out to them.

For more information call 717-693-2085 or e-mail us.

Awareness skills for your kids

Because I talk so much about awareness, it comes as no surprise that one of the most common questions I receive is from parents wanting to know how to work on awareness with their kids.  This is a tough question because of kids maturing at different ages.  In this article, I will try to provide some ideas and talking points for you and your kids.

Awareness is quite a buzzword in the tactical world, but there seems to be a problem defining it.  Here is how we do it.  There are three types of awareness: self awareness, situational awareness, and team awareness.  The ideas below are intended for kids from around 3-10 years old.

Self Awareness-   Teach kids to be aware of their limits and stay within them.  For example, if they are not yet comfortable swimming in the deep end of the pool, don’t be coaxed there by other kids.  It is not just about child molesters.  It is about over all safety.  Many bad situations that adults and children encounter could be avoided by not getting in over their head.

Situational Awareness- Kids possess great intuition, but it is most likely to be interpreted as fear, and that is OK as long as they are encouraged to act on it.  When we are scared, a natural response is to retreat to a safe place or person.  Let your kids know that this is natural and everyone, including adults, have it.  This will encourage them to immediately act on it.  If something does not feel right, it’s probably not.  Especially with little ones, don’t try to be too specific with scenarios.  Just let them know that when they are afraid of something or someone that they should remove themselves from the situation.  Fear, probably our most primal and powerful response, sometimes has the ability to paralyze adults, so we should not expect anything different from our kids.  One of the most effective ways to combat this is by breathing, and a good way to encourage that is verbalization.  Ask your child what they would say if they were approached by an adult who was known to them but asked them to do something they were uncomfortable with such as going to the bathroom with them.  Ask them what they would say if they were at a friend’s house at a pool party and they saw their friend's Dad taking pictures of them while they were changing.  Ask them what they would do if someone followed them into a bathroom stall at Wal Mart.  Don’t be surprised if they say they don’t know.  This will open a dialog between you, not only about what they should say but what action to take.  It is my opinion that we spend too much time worrying about our kids being molested by the Boogeyman and too little time talking about the reality of people they know putting them in uncomfortable situations.  Child predators are insidious and often test the water with kids to see what they can get away with.  Kids need permission to decisively respond to anything that they are uncomfortable with.  

Team Awareness- Encourage your kids to immediately respond to you.  Because dangerous situations don’t occur every day, your response to them is going to be unusual requiring you to say and do things that you normally wouldn’t.  Your kids know you well enough that when you use a tone that they are not familiar with, there is something going on.  Our kids are separated by three years.  We always made them responsible for their younger brother or sister, as we were for them.  We enforced this by the way we held hands.  This is very helpful for the Mom that has to load several kids into the minivan.  The older kids serve as lookouts when Mom is fixated on the little ones.  You will be surprised how aware they become when you tell them you need them to be.  Explain to them that bad things can happen even when you are all together and having fun and how important it is for them to immediately do as you say, especially out of the house.  You should have no problem coming up with a few scenarios to role play to make your point.

As with all tools and tactics, it comes down to time and opportunity to use them.  Based on my experience with my own kids, nieces and nephews, and as a Scout leader, I would say that it is around 6-7 that kids start squirming out from under our thumbs.  It is at that time that they will be exposed to other adults without us always being there.  Most often in the way of  a sports team, Scouts, first sleep overs, etc.  As I have discussed before, I find biting to be the most reliable tool for kids this age to defend themselves against adults.  It is intuitive, primal, and effective.  Just be sure that they realize that they cannot overpower an adult and not to waste valuable time trying to do so when they need to get away.

This short article is not intended to be the final word on training your kids, but rather some ideas to open a dialog with them.  Letting them know that being afraid of certain situations and people is a natural gift goes a long way in ensuring that they will act on their feeling, something most adults fail to do.

Protective Strategies for Mom's with kids

This topic gets asked about during classes, so I figured I would post about it.  In many families Dad is seen as the protector, but the protector can only protect when he is around.  The reality is that Mom is the one who is always hauling kids around.

Moms are always going to be the #1 protector of the kids simply because of the amount of time they have them.  Self-defense skills are great, but even the good ones are more for protecting yourself and maybe other adults, not kids who are going to be a hindrance during any altercation, instead of an asset.

The first things for Mom has to be mindset.  The mindset needs to be that you are a bodyguard.  When we hear bodyguard, we think of a highly trained guy protecting someone by force.  The truth is, and any bodyguard will tell you, that if they have to use force at all, they view it as a failure.  Their two biggest tools are Awareness, and Avoidance, not Aggression.  Making a habit out of the first two is a good thing. Making a habit out of the latter is not.

The things a Mom with kids needs to be safe are time, space, and movement.  As hard as it can be, that means giving you extra time.  For example, when going for a doctor’s appointment, give yourself some extra time to circle the parking lot.  By doing so, there is a good chance that you may find a parking space closer or in a more populated area.  That means less ground cover with the kids which equals less exposure, or less chance of being approached because of witnesses.

The number one key to survival is the ability to move away from a threat.  This means if you are holding a little one, or have one by the hand, and for some reason feel confined or that your movement is otherwise being restricted, make a habit out of moving.  Never put yourself in a position where you are boxed in.  For example, when you take the kids to a restaurant, do your best to always sit close to an exit, especially one that you can see where it leads to.  At the first sign of a threat, grab your kids and get out.  

Now for the big one, putting kids in car seats.  During daylight is less of an issue to park around other cars, but at night it provides cover for criminals.  You want to remove someone’s ability to sneak up on you while you have your back turned buckling in the kids.  If possible, try to park in such a way that you are not surrounded by other vehicles.  When the situation dictates, you should always have a flashlight to look around the perimeter of your vehicle to see if anyone is around or in it before you approach.  Another sound habit is to hit your panic alarm for a few seconds.  This can get a would be bad guy to leave, while at the same time attracting witnesses to you.  It is good to be heard and seen.  Take a look around, knowing how long it takes you to get the kids settled in the car, how close is the nearest cover for a bad guy to sneak up on you?

Put your older kids in the car first and tell them to be the eyes in the back of your head.  They can let you know if anyone is walking up behind you.  This is also a good life habit for them.

As for the aggression part of the equation, that is something Mothers are born with.  Just remember that you don’t want to fight the attacker, you want to stop the attack.  Because of the kids, it is likely not an option for you to run away, or if you do it will take time.  Your counter attack must overwhelm, shock, and stun the attacker.  The best way to do this is by attacking the face with your hands or hopefully something like a pen or flashlight.  Do your best to smash the eyes, nose, and mouth with repeated strikes.  If the opportunity presents itself, use your instep to scrape down their shin before stomping the bottom of your foot onto the top of theirs.  If you have the opportunity to slam a door on them, or smash their head into a vehicle or wall, do so and do it repeatedly until you can safely get away.

In most cases, it is not the kids they want, you will be targeted because they know you are distracted by the kids.  You need to realize that you are the last line of defense and that if you get knocked out, or removed, your kids will be alone or unprotected.

Remember 911 is for reporting an emergency, not preventing one.  That is up to you.